Don’t you just love reality shows? Okay I don’t really, but I can’t seem to drag my eyes away from them. I’ve never watched Jersey Shore of own accord, but if it’s playing in a room I enter, I can’t help but pay attention. It’s embarrassing actually.
Authors are notoriously absent from reality shows. The Broke and the Bookish asks for our top ten authors you’d like to see on a reality show – and which reality show.
So today we fill up a house and force completely different people to share, live and breathe each other’s personal space. Yeah, this is probably one of the most trashy and promiscuous reality shows out there, but you can’t say it’s not entertaining. Let’s meet our contestants.
1. George Orwell from Nineteen Eighty-Four fame – creator of the concept, Orwell really doesn’t have a choice but to be a housemate. Although it’s been on my TBR list forever, I’m yet to read Orwell. But I shall. Also, there is no rule that states the authors have to be currently alive.
2. Cherise Sinclair from the Shadowlands novels – these BDSM books are definitely not for everyone, but every house needs a uninhibited and steamy contestant. And I always say, “Regardless of what they read: as long as they READ.”
3. Stephenie Meyer from Twilight Saga fame – she confused me by writing Twilight, which I hated, and then writing The Host, which was UH-MAY-ZING! So I need a dealbreaker. And any case, she is one of those love-hate authors. It’s always fun to have someone that will get the bets rolling.
4. John Green from The Fault in our Stars – having just recently finished this book, I’ll admit to knowing nothing of the author, except that he has a genuine and novel perception of life and is a keen observer. I think he has the surprise-factor and will keep quite a few glued to the screens.
5. Waris Dirie, renowned activist and author of Desert Flower – I’ll admit, this is a shameless publicity stunt. I want more awareness of female genital mutilation and actually just the plight of women the world over. I don’t think Dirie would consent to such frivolity, but I do think she would give some depth to the show. Also, this woman is really good looking. No sexism intended.
6. Dan Brown from The Da Vinci Code – this man is intelligent and informed, but if his books are anything to go by, he has the immense potential to seriously piss people off. And a house without some tiffs is really no fun to view at all. You know those late-night debates? Yeah, he’ll be in them.
7. Kathryn Stockett from The Help – politically correct and a fighter for what is right – really another debate-starter. I think a lot of people would try to get a reaction out of her.
8. J.R.R. Tolkien from The Lord of the Rings – this is shameless of me, really, but there are too many people who do not read but have loved LOTR movies. One needs those characters who will attract an audience. I’m sure Tolkien has many other reasons for being a compelling asset to the house too.
9. John van de Ruit, South African author of Spud – if he is anything like the characters in his books, he loves mischief; and who doesn’t like the housemate who hides the cutlery or pulls similar pranks on the already-flustered housemates?
10. William Shakespears who needs no further introduction – he will confuse everyone with his use of language. He will be confused by modern-day use of English. He will intimidate some and annoy others. And where there is Shakespeare, there is love triangles and hamartias and all-round tragicomedy.